delayed xmas panic

something about losing pop earlier this year has made this xmas more surreal than normal. i've been putting off anything xmas-related--cards, food, presents, parties, etc.--by just ignoring all of it. i'm never the first one to have any of this done in any 'normal' year, but this year it has just felt purposely delayed. listening to xmas music--a formerly passive activity--has this year become a weeping session for me. i can't listen to 'little drummer boy,' specifically the johnny cash version which happens to the the only one i have, without tears falling uncontrollably! i'm not sure why that song, it has no connection to my pop for me as far as i can recall. but really any song, if the mood strikes me in the weepy way.

so now, a mere days before the holiday, i suddenly feel like i should be doing xmas things. we're trying to figure out how we'll get all of our groceries here--it's too late to order online, and today is the last day for 'normal' store hours. we're both 'bunged' (it's what the british refer to as 'full of snot'), need pie dishes for quiche, cookie sheets, haha. we're really in the best location for last-minute xmas--we're in the town center, steps away from every shop in guildford you could think of EXCEPT the cheap, big supermarket, Tescos. we might take a taxi later, as it's open until midnight.

we only decided yesterday it might be nice to buy each other presents! we have been together almost non-stop since early november, so it's not like we haven't bought things already and referred to them as 'early xmas presents.' but now, as the shops are out of everything, i'm getting the urge to venture out. it's funny, i always remember as a kid my dad and brothers almost never did any shopping befor 24 Dec. Perhaps i'm not in delayed xmas mode, it's more my nature to just put it all off until the last minute than i realised.